9.03.2005
well...
So it's my last day in Boston. I had a long and both happy and sad dinner and evening with Diana last night. I dropped my Dad off at the airport yesterday too - he's flying on a business trip via London and will be meeting us in London on his way home. It really kind of hit me yesterday that this family is growing up and coming to a new chapter. It's weird that realizations like that usually happen during happy occasions: I was just joking around with my Dad and we both insulted each other playfully and then I think we both realized very quietly that we weren't going to be able to do that for much longer. And a quiet sadness came upon me, at least, and I didn't really know what to say. Thank goodness we were in separate rooms or I might have said or done something stupid in an attempt to avoid awkwardness.
Mom has been tearing up a lot. So have I. I think that the only person it's not hitting is Matthew, who is so excited to be heading out into the world that the magnitude of his leaving home hasn't really impressed itself yet. Dad is also a little emotional: I think he's reluctant to let it show, but I'm pretty sure it's there. And while I don't usually get terribly emotional, I do when other people around me do. I probably wouldn't tear up on my own surveying the situation, but seeing my Dad's controlled exterior begin to falter, even the smallest bit, really sends me over the edge.
But it's not a bad thing to move forward: progress is not by definition bad. It is change, and sometimes change just takes some getting used to. I wish it didn't: it's be a hell of a lot simpler and a good deal less discomforting. For me and Diana, it's not getting used to change but instead settling back into the familiar but also decidedly less-than-ideal situation of a long-distance relationship. Of course, we've done it before, and we can do it again. But it's still difficult.
For Mom and Dad, I'm realizing that while I've been out in the world for 8 years with college, teaching, and now grad school, they've still had Andrew and Matthew around. And they won't now, and they're changing too: which is a terrifying thought. I have always depended on my Mom and Dad for guidance, friendship, and advice. And for as long as I can remember, they have been exactly the same, and really comfortingly so. The fact that they change and that they have fears of their own is scary. I don't want my parents to change, I much prefer the comforting feeling of the past to the uncertainty of tomorrow. And while I know that my parents aren't static beings, I do know that I can count on them to be a stable home base to which I can return whenever I'm overwhelmed by life, and I guess that's the best that I can even hope for.
I am going to miss Boston. It's been a beautiful and wonderful and sometimes exasperating summer. But overall, I can't think of any real regrets. Congrats to Mike & Doreen and Graham & Tacy on their marriages, to Matthew for graduating from High School, to Andrea & Andy on their engagement, and to all others by thanks for your support and friendship.
Mom has been tearing up a lot. So have I. I think that the only person it's not hitting is Matthew, who is so excited to be heading out into the world that the magnitude of his leaving home hasn't really impressed itself yet. Dad is also a little emotional: I think he's reluctant to let it show, but I'm pretty sure it's there. And while I don't usually get terribly emotional, I do when other people around me do. I probably wouldn't tear up on my own surveying the situation, but seeing my Dad's controlled exterior begin to falter, even the smallest bit, really sends me over the edge.
But it's not a bad thing to move forward: progress is not by definition bad. It is change, and sometimes change just takes some getting used to. I wish it didn't: it's be a hell of a lot simpler and a good deal less discomforting. For me and Diana, it's not getting used to change but instead settling back into the familiar but also decidedly less-than-ideal situation of a long-distance relationship. Of course, we've done it before, and we can do it again. But it's still difficult.
For Mom and Dad, I'm realizing that while I've been out in the world for 8 years with college, teaching, and now grad school, they've still had Andrew and Matthew around. And they won't now, and they're changing too: which is a terrifying thought. I have always depended on my Mom and Dad for guidance, friendship, and advice. And for as long as I can remember, they have been exactly the same, and really comfortingly so. The fact that they change and that they have fears of their own is scary. I don't want my parents to change, I much prefer the comforting feeling of the past to the uncertainty of tomorrow. And while I know that my parents aren't static beings, I do know that I can count on them to be a stable home base to which I can return whenever I'm overwhelmed by life, and I guess that's the best that I can even hope for.
I am going to miss Boston. It's been a beautiful and wonderful and sometimes exasperating summer. But overall, I can't think of any real regrets. Congrats to Mike & Doreen and Graham & Tacy on their marriages, to Matthew for graduating from High School, to Andrea & Andy on their engagement, and to all others by thanks for your support and friendship.
