4.25.2005
hee
I just hit upon a great article in today's Washington Post. For the record, I'm on a studybreak - chill out. The subject of the article is Axe body-spray, and while they're treating it like it's something brand new, as a former middle school teacher, I can attest that the phenomenon has been around for at least three years. Says the article: "Axe was introduced in the United States in 2002, much to the chagrin of anyone with olfactory memories of a 1980s dance club after the lights came up and everyone stopped doing the cabbage patch." Lord, this stuff smells awful.
Now, I'm aware that middle schoolers are not, shall we say, known for their subtlety. But wow... The article continues:
"Axe is not merely a deodorant meant to be rolled on sparingly under the arms. It is not simply a cologne meant to be dabbed behind the ears, on the wrists and other pulse points. The rise of Axe signals the birth of a new category in men's grooming: body deodorant. Axe is a cologne with stink-prevention properties.
It is meant to be sprayed all over the body with the exuberance that might be used to apply Deep Woods Off!, and anecdotal evidence suggests that young men -- particularly those in Generation Junior High -- have been dutifully following the package instructions: "Just hold can 6 inches from your body and spray all over, including your chest, neck, underarms - anywhere you want to smell great." Indeed, some boys must want to smell really, really great. From about 50 yards away."
I just had to laugh - reading about this takes me back to my days teaching in New Jersey. The worst would be middle school dances, when students would walk through the halls with a cloud of noxious fumes hanging off of them. Remember Pig-Pen, the Peanuts character? Sort of like that, but instead of dirt, these kids would smell like sandalwood, musk, cloves, and ew. No two ways about it. Axe. Smells. Bad.
So why is it so popular? There's already the lack of subtlety displayed by middle school boys in pursuit of girls, but there has to be a second factor, right? After all, it takes two to tango. Evidently, the girls who populate middle school boys' fantasies, and we must also assume, also populate the actual middle schools too, display the same lack of appreciation for subtlety when this stuff actually works on them. These girls need to be knocked out with a fragrance so powerful that it would choke a rhino. And some of these boys need all the confidence that they can get, confidence that is sold in aerosol cans that could, seriously, double as mace. Actually, mace probably doesn't smell nearly as bad.
Now, I'm aware that middle schoolers are not, shall we say, known for their subtlety. But wow... The article continues:
"Axe is not merely a deodorant meant to be rolled on sparingly under the arms. It is not simply a cologne meant to be dabbed behind the ears, on the wrists and other pulse points. The rise of Axe signals the birth of a new category in men's grooming: body deodorant. Axe is a cologne with stink-prevention properties.
It is meant to be sprayed all over the body with the exuberance that might be used to apply Deep Woods Off!, and anecdotal evidence suggests that young men -- particularly those in Generation Junior High -- have been dutifully following the package instructions: "Just hold can 6 inches from your body and spray all over, including your chest, neck, underarms - anywhere you want to smell great." Indeed, some boys must want to smell really, really great. From about 50 yards away."
I just had to laugh - reading about this takes me back to my days teaching in New Jersey. The worst would be middle school dances, when students would walk through the halls with a cloud of noxious fumes hanging off of them. Remember Pig-Pen, the Peanuts character? Sort of like that, but instead of dirt, these kids would smell like sandalwood, musk, cloves, and ew. No two ways about it. Axe. Smells. Bad.
So why is it so popular? There's already the lack of subtlety displayed by middle school boys in pursuit of girls, but there has to be a second factor, right? After all, it takes two to tango. Evidently, the girls who populate middle school boys' fantasies, and we must also assume, also populate the actual middle schools too, display the same lack of appreciation for subtlety when this stuff actually works on them. These girls need to be knocked out with a fragrance so powerful that it would choke a rhino. And some of these boys need all the confidence that they can get, confidence that is sold in aerosol cans that could, seriously, double as mace. Actually, mace probably doesn't smell nearly as bad.
